I used to pity you, and all that you had gone through. Every action that had led to the scars on your heart, all the wrong you did not deserve. That is until I discovered the vengeance you seek in those you find unworthy. What defines worth, my dear? To you, the expectations on value and respect are never held to your own doing. So what defines worth? Innocent souls trip on mistakes in your path and you condemn them for life. What defines worth? You do realize that this pattern of defining another’s worth, to you, is a viscous cycle of revenge, right?
You will never find happiness and peace while battling a non-existent war. Look around, my dear, for you have wounded those around you who have had nothing but love for you. Hearts that have been misplaced due to your lack of empathy and self serving actions. I hope you finally get what you are looking for, however, I really hope you get what you deserve.
I will love the same way I loved before
I will love someone even if I’m unsure
I will love even when my heart becomes sore
I will love until life lets me love no more
I still can’t believe the levels of absolute sorrow you built for me, slowly pushing me into insanity. You absolutely crushed me, destroyed every broken piece of me until you were satisfied enough to walk away. I was too soft between your rough fingers, begging you to hold me gentle, you ignored all of my pleads. I begged and groveled at your feet for forgiveness for mistakes that I now realize I was never at fault for. All I desired was acceptance but you made sure to give me nothing but denial.
I’m learning the true meaning of vulnerability. I am learning what it means to be open, fully and completely naked in my emotions no matter the consequences. I tend to close myself off after being hurt, or after learning that I can’t trust someone. And while that might be healthy in some ways, I am learning that it is okay to express you are hurt. For a full year I slowly became desensitized, incapable of feeling anything. I felt I never had a place to be open with you, and I really didn’t. Today I want you to know that the way I allowed myself to hurt in your presence was unacceptable. I will never allow self inflicted torture by “staying” ever again. Never again.
He gave me roses on a rainy day
Though he wasn’t the cause of my pain
And then he stayed to give me company
Though he knew I would drive him insane
Am I lucky or is that love?
You can’t be happy
With the whole
Of a relationship
If you aren’t in love
With your own half
I discovered a piece of myself
While searching for my love in you
Realizing your hands have brought
The missing touch inside my truth
Her lips are stained
With red in vain
You’re tainted with a thought
You find her whole
With little soul
To give what you had sought
I’m not broken
I’m not lost
I’m not searching
For half of a whole
I’m letting time
Reshape my pain
I’m not broken
But now in control
sometimes I wonder
if feeling empty
makes me feel more at peace
than your ability
to make me feel whole again