When you let someone else control the entirety of your identity, you are letting them control much more than just your physical being. Everything they do, becomes what you react to, physically and mentally. Attaching yourself to another person in this way opens you to losing the whole of the identity you sought after with them, when they decide to part with you.
You are replaceable… with the foundation, however, being completely superficial. What type of clothes you wear, the people you hang with, even down to the name to which others call you, can be changed and/or replaced. But when you begin to individualize yourself, your actions and emotions become singular, they become yours. The impressions you leave will forever be imprinted as yours and only yours.
Be you, unapologetically. You are growing and maturing and you will reach many points in your life where you will find you are forced to identify with a concept or person. Make sure it is something you truly identify with, or at least something you resonate with. But by all means, avoid doing or saying certain things simply because you feel as though it is what someone else would do or want you to do.
Be you, be you, be you.
Because at the end of the day, nobody can take that away.
I used to pity you, and all that you had gone through. Every action that had led to the scars on your heart, all the wrong you did not deserve. That is until I discovered the vengeance you seek in those you find unworthy. What defines worth, my dear? To you, the expectations on value and respect are never held to your own doing. So what defines worth? Innocent souls trip on mistakes in your path and you condemn them for life. What defines worth? You do realize that this pattern of defining another’s worth, to you, is a viscous cycle of revenge, right?
You will never find happiness and peace while battling a non-existent war. Look around, my dear, for you have wounded those around you who have had nothing but love for you. Hearts that have been misplaced due to your lack of empathy and self serving actions. I hope you finally get what you are looking for, however, I really hope you get what you deserve.
I will love the same way I loved before
I will love someone even if I’m unsure
I will love even when my heart becomes sore
I will love until life lets me love no more
I still can’t believe the levels of absolute sorrow you built for me, slowly pushing me into insanity. You absolutely crushed me, destroyed every broken piece of me until you were satisfied enough to walk away. I was too soft between your rough fingers, begging you to hold me gentle, you ignored all of my pleads. I begged and groveled at your feet for forgiveness for mistakes that I now realize I was never at fault for. All I desired was acceptance but you made sure to give me nothing but denial.
I’m learning the true meaning of vulnerability. I am learning what it means to be open, fully and completely naked in my emotions no matter the consequences. I tend to close myself off after being hurt, or after learning that I can’t trust someone. And while that might be healthy in some ways, I am learning that it is okay to express you are hurt. For a full year I slowly became desensitized, incapable of feeling anything. I felt I never had a place to be open with you, and I really didn’t. Today I want you to know that the way I allowed myself to hurt in your presence was unacceptable. I will never allow self inflicted torture by “staying” ever again. Never again.
You can’t be happy
With the whole
Of a relationship
If you aren’t in love
With your own half
Every step I took away from you
Was a step I took towards myself
I found that the only distance I had
Was the distance between me and my heart
You wake up one morning and you’re 6 years old again. Confused and shocked you begin to experience the world, but this time the world gives you the support you always wanted. Your mother is sitting with you at a small table in the playroom, teaching you how to draw clouds with crayons. Or perhaps your father is helping you up after falling off of a bike, slowly easing you back on to teach you to balance. You get the love that you had always desired but had never received. But at what cost?
What motivates us is failure, whether it’s our fault or not. What gives us true appreciation for happiness, is those moments of having to swallow sadness. Living in a perfect world would not generate perfect people. Living in a perfect world would desensitize your desire to be a better person. It’s time to take your emotional and physical deficits and realize, that you are not defined by that which you don’t have. Rather, you will find self-worth in the growth you experience while working to close those voids.
You planted a seed of uncertainty
Which then sprung into this thought
That one day I might walk away
After finding a love you were not
You watered this concept for far too long
It grew to consume your mind
And while you nurtured this false idea
You then foolishly left me behind
I tried to stop you from losing it all
I planted a different seed
Which then grew into why I left you
For the love I could give back to me
Laughter slips through
The holes in my soul
And while you may have answers
Your words fall on a hollow heart
Reminding me that
Some places and most people
Aren’t here to help me heal