The nights don’t hurt me anymore, even when your pain feels so lovely. A gravitational pull towards the inevitable, the moon crushes my chest in an effort to make space for your heart.
One of these nights I will hold myself and all of the versions of me I have ever left behind. I will pull on the hands of those who beg to touch, even if pleasure falls through the cracks in my fist.
I was so excited to love you
I had so much of me to give
Tell me, was all of me overwhelming?
Is that why you fell upon easier hips?
Gentle music bounces off brick walls as I sip notes of cocoa and cinnamon from a hot cup of freshly brewed coffee. I brought my MacBook with me to this coffee shop but odds are I will do what I normally do, opening the screen to look inconspicuous but really spending my time bewildered by those around me. I’m always distracted by the energy that surrounds other people.
This time it’s a couple cozied up on the distressed couches placed in the corner by large windows. A man endearingly gazes at, who I assume is, his girlfriend next to him. Examining the expressions on her face and seemingly in bliss, she catches these stares after tasting one of the shops homemade muffins. She pinches his arm in what looks to be an expression of embarrassment for him having witnessed her messy eating, and he soon after, kisses her forehead.
Unaware of the world around them, both immersed in the aura and presence of the other. What a way to be in love.
Light seeps vertically through a single crack in the curtains that fall softly from the top of my window. I can see thin layers of dust collecting in the tall corners of the room as the sun decidedly pierces the shadows that once plagued these empty spaces.
“How long have I been laying here?”
I toss my legs to the edge of the bed, stretching in a way I believe will somehow release all feelings of wanting to crawl back into the sheets. I reach out to flick the curtains back, and out of the window I can see children playing in the complex’s community pool.
I listen to their laughter as they move carefully around the deck that has been splashed and soaked. It reminds me of the darker times when you somehow innocently pulled a smile out of me, how you always made me feel youthful.
Recently, life has struck me in such a humbling way, reminding me that everything I have could be taken. Everything I possess, whether I fought for it or not, is a privilege. I do not take anything for granted, even time.
I built an entire world
I placed a home for you to reside in
And for some reason you still envied
All prior lands I lent to others
You seemingly never realized
That the small patches of grass I grew
Were a precursor to the beautiful fields
I once wanted you to own
Lingering in silence
But you wish to be heard
Expecting the best
Without speaking a word
I cannot read your mind
Darling please help me learn
I may mirror your pain
But assumptions leave burns
You only love in
Black or White
Truth be told
I could learnt to forgive you
But right now
I'm having too much fun
Let love into your life
In whatever form
In whatever way
I promise you
No matter the ending
That love will change you
In the best way possible
I used to wonder
If he really knew
But I know now
That he knows how
I will always love him so