All of the little details and emotions that flood my mind convince me you are a demon most nights, but not tonight. Tonight I realized you aren’t a demon. I realized it is all due to the fact that you were truly my hero. I worshipped you.
I adored you and looked up to you like you were the greatest thing to have ever graced the ground I walked on. I wanted everything and anything good to make its way into your life and paint you in shades of happiness.
But you had other plans, as you reached right into the parts of me that lay void and filled them with warmth right before ripping it all right from my chest. You wrapped me in a facade of energy that felt safe and loving and infinite. I desperately fell for it all, tripping into an inevitable fall that would invariably wound me. Cutting into me deeper each time with evil precision, I couldn’t take it.
I had to go, I had to leave, it was torture.
I’ve been here
But can’t find where
We decided to lose
I really thought
You were the one
But I am human
And humans are flawed
I made a mistake
You accused me of infidelity
And it seeped into my mind
You thought I wasn’t loyal
Thought I kept some on the side
Constantly you shamed me
You were convinced I fed you lies
I see now you were filled with guilt
You were the one with high supply
I could hate you
And blame you
And shame you for days
But that pain
When I don’t let you stay
I used to pity you, and all that you had gone through. Every action that had led to the scars on your heart, all the wrong you did not deserve. That is until I discovered the vengeance you seek in those you find unworthy. What defines worth, my dear? To you, the expectations on value and respect are never held to your own doing. So what defines worth? Innocent souls trip on mistakes in your path and you condemn them for life. What defines worth? You do realize that this pattern of defining another’s worth, to you, is a viscous cycle of revenge, right?
You will never find happiness and peace while battling a non-existent war. Look around, my dear, for you have wounded those around you who have had nothing but love for you. Hearts that have been misplaced due to your lack of empathy and self serving actions. I hope you finally get what you are looking for, however, I really hope you get what you deserve.
I will love the same way I loved before
I will love someone even if I’m unsure
I will love even when my heart becomes sore
I will love until life lets me love no more
I still can’t believe the levels of absolute sorrow you built for me, slowly pushing me into insanity. You absolutely crushed me, destroyed every broken piece of me until you were satisfied enough to walk away. I was too soft between your rough fingers, begging you to hold me gentle, you ignored all of my pleads. I begged and groveled at your feet for forgiveness for mistakes that I now realize I was never at fault for. All I desired was acceptance but you made sure to give me nothing but denial.
Your insecurities are not worth
The emotional distress
Yet you continue to let
Your insecurities define your worth
A playful mind
A treasured find
A heart that’s made of gold
All these things
That I could bring
That you refused to hold